Pan-Asia Pandemonium

Pan-Asian is a word that should strike fear into anyone who calls themselves a lover, or at least very special friend, of food. Imagine if you will, a restaurant claiming to serve Italian, French, and German cuisine. Frankfurter bouillabaisse with bruschetta, anyone? Of course not, don't be absurd.

Yet it's not uncommon to find places purporting to serve Chinese, Korean, Thai, Vietnamese, Malay, and Japanese fare all under one roof, more often than not in some noodle-bar-esque guise. Should you happen across a menu that claims mastery over all of prawn tempura, pad thai, any form of laksa, and aromatic duck, please make for the door. Don't even stop to try the edamame beans with garlic-chilli-yuzu-assam sauce.

The most high-profile, rampant, unashamed purveyor of this form of cuisine has to be Wagamama. A chain of 'pan-asian inspired noodle restaurants', says their website. I say: a place that has knowingly charged me 8-ish quid for a plate of worse-than-instant noodles with three sub-atomic-sized prawns, and on another occasion, a bowl of soba that wasn't soba and tasted like a vegetarian stir-fry doused in tepid water.

This hasn't stopped the chain from being voted 'Most Popular London Restaurant' by Zagat readers every year from 2005 to 2008, nor from spreading to four continents on the wings of franchise, from the US to Greece, via Egypt and New Zealand. Tellingly though, they've yet to set foot in anywhere in Asia. Now that's self-preservation.

The idea that you can package up several centuries-old culinary traditions into a handy one-size-fits-all menu, with any retention of authenticity or even plain old competence, is ambitious to say the least. The same can be said of Pan-Asian cookbooks. By the time you've bought fish sauce and lemon grass one day, mirin and sake the next, and cardamom and turmeric over the weekend, you're left  with a significantly lighter wallet, a kitchen filled with obscure ingredients, and your taste receptors more than just a little confused. 

My eyebrows automatically raise when someone who rarely eats out Thai, has never lived in the country, nor has any family ties to the region, claims to make a mean red duck curry. For most of us, the education of a palate takes years (if it happens at all). Example: a friend of mine from China can tell if a fish was caught that morning or afternoon, just by taste. Oh, to have her tastebuds.

All across Asia, you often find the best street food at stalls specialising in basically one dish. There may be variations to choose from, but ultimately the biggest decision is the size bowl you want. Food courts here in the West tend to be grim affairs, necessitated by a trip to the shops or cinema complex; over East-side, you can assemble a fantastic meal from a teeming plethora of stalls, picking and choosing the steamiest, the silkiest, the crunchiest. Just follow the crowds.

So if you're after a quick cheap eat, by all means pop into your local noodle joint and order the usual chicken yakisoba. But let's not pretend that what you're eating isn't the equivalent of Pizza Hut to Italians, or school-buffet curry to the Indian subcontinent.

Just keep in mind: Linguine à l'orange avec bratwurst. Nuff said.

Comments

[Quico]

A tightly packed, expertly delivered rant seasoned with just the right amount of vitriol and served up on a succulent, creamy bed of irony...

Then again, when it comes to cantankerous contempt for artless "fusion", you're preaching to the choir with me.

Still...deeply satisfying...

[Mr Noodles]

By and large Pan-Asian is a shocker and you're right about Wagamama. But the further up you go the price scale the worse it gets. Places like E&O and Gilgamesh that serve dim sum, sushi and food from Korea to Thailand.

[Su-Lin]

Wagamama is grim. It's just terrible - but let's be honest, I've never been to Japan but I can still tell when it's a bowl of bad noodle soup.

That said, I passed a new restaurant on Westbourne Grove the other day and took a peek at the menu. Thai, Malaysian and Korean dishes all on the same page. I walked on.

[Sasa]

Well said. I'm really enjoying your wry and amusing take on things and the beautiful pictures are a bonus, new sub for my reader ^^